Riddles
by runaway xo
Summary: Riddles are always fun, but what happens when the jokes relate to vampires? Fluff of course! Pre-Breaking Dawn.


**A/N:** One-shot in time of writers block!

Warning: FLUFF.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Riddles**

The sun filtered dully through the thin yellow fabric of my curtains. I sat at my computer, waiting for it wheeze to life so I could reply to Renee's latest e-mail. My fingers drummed lazily against the desk.

I could see Edward out of the corner of my eye – sitting stiffly on the edge of my bed – shifting with the shadows as the sun edged higher in the sky. His mouth was tense, pursed in a tight line. The lines of frustration on his forehead were deep and straight in his marble-like skin. He couldn't seem to grasp the fact that I would want to spend a rare sunny day in Forks, inside with him. I had just denied his fifth attempt at getting me out of the house.

"We can have fun here," I pointed out as he glared at the side of my head. "We can watch a movie, or play a board game…"

He remained silent.

"Or we can do other things…" I attempted to make my voice seductive, alluring in a way. But my words came out in a whisper and I blushed.

He didn't respond, and I was too embarrassed to turn and look at him.

"I could find some riddles…"

"Riddles?"

I nodded. "You know… jokes?" I didn't turn to look at his expression. Instead, I brought up the search engine on my computer screen. My fingers hesitated above the keys. And then one impulse action – something I should really learn to control – surged through my body and before I knew what I was doing, I was typing "Vampire Riddles" in the search box.

I laughed internally as I moved my cursor over the "Search" button. Why in the world would people spend their time coming up with vampire jokes? Everybody thought they were mythical anyw –

My thoughts came to an abrupt halt as the search engine loaded the websites they referred to my search. The small print in the corner of my screen informed me that there were three million eight hundred pages of websites pertaining to "Vampire Jokes". I barley managed to suppress my gasp.

"Bella?"

"Mhmm?" I mumbled, double clicking on the first website.

"Your heart is beating so fast, I wouldn't be surprised if it was bruising the inside of your chest. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, fine," I muttered, distracted. My eyes were scanning over the page of riddles that had popped up. I even took a moment to scowl at the Halloween themed background. "Hey, Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Gah!" I gasped as his cool breath tickled the back of my neck.

I turned around quickly and blocked his view of the computer screen, glaring at him. "It's not fun if you read the answers," I tried to sound angry but my tone contained more panic than fury and my cheeks blushed red.

"Vampire riddles?" He raised a perfect eyebrow and pursed his lips.

I choose to ignore his question. "Go over there," I motioned my hand towards my bed.

He evaluated my eyes for a minute before obliging and appearing on the edge of my bed before I could even let out the breath I hadn't even been aware I was holding.

I took an extra gulp of air before replacing myself in the old wooden chair and placing my hand on the mouse. I ran over the jokes on the page, rolling my eyes and most of them. "Ridiculous," I muttered at one.

I peeked at Edward in between my searching, startled to find that his answering expression was less hostile then it had been before.

It took me a while before I found a decent joke. I laughed quietly to myself.

"Tell me," Edward insisted impatiently from across the room. I peeked at him, his head was tilted in interest.

I chuckled. "Edward, after a century of endless days, you've never once looked up vampire jokes on the internet?"

Edward shrugged. "I've never really found human jokes particularly amusing. Besides, I'm guessing most of them refer to bats and coffins. Am I correct?"

I nodded and looked back at the computer screen. "Okay. Why did the vampire go to school?"

I glanced at Edward when I heard him snort. "That's easy. Because he is secretly a hundred and six year old immortal living in a small rainy town trying to lower any suspicion of his enigma."

I laughed. "Nope. Sorry. But good guess."

He grinned.

"But _this _vampire went to school because he had to take a blood test."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Blood test," he muttered.

I tried another one. "What is a vampire's favorite fruit?"

He actually thought about this one, narrowing his eyes in pensively, staring blindly at my wall. Finally he recovered and smiled softly. "_Neck_-tarine?"

"Darn-it," I muttered. Edward chuckled.

I turned back towards the computer, dragging the scroll bar down impatiently. Finally, I found one that made my teeth dig into my bottom lip painfully.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Here's the last joke. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?"

I wasn't sure if it was my stuttering heart that made me miss the action, but suddenly Edward's icy breath was caressing my cheek. "Shouldn't _I _be asking _you _that question?" Something brushed against my jaw. His lips? The sweet torture only lasted a moment before he pulled away. "So?..." he whispered in my ear.

"Oh, right, the answer," I mumbled, shaking my head in an attempt to clear it. Trying to ignore the sugary sweet perfume of his breath was proving to be down right impossible. "What was the question again?"

He chuckled and the sound sent a shiver down my limp spine. "What's it like to be kissed by a vampire, Bella?" Something pressed against my neck. This time I was positive it was his lips. His soft hair tickled the side of my jaw.

I was about to respond with my own opinion but caught myself. Did I really need to place anymore embarrassment on myself? Instead, I forced myself to focus enough to read the words on the screen.

"It's a pain in the neck."

Edward chuckled. "Do you really think so, Bella?" His mouth danced over my ear as he spoke.

I swallowed and shook my head no, but my eyes narrowed. I hated that he had this kind of affect on me.

"What do you think?"

"I think…" I struggled for words. It wasn't helping that he was intoxicating me on purpose. I had to take three deep breaths before I could speak again. "I think I forgot, and I need reminding."

"Me too," he murmured absently. His lips captured mine quickly. Turning my body towards him, I reached forward blindly to wrap my arms around his neck. After a moment he pulled away a centimeter, his lips still lingering on my own. "How's the neck?"

"Never better," I mumbled. I let my hand crawl up to the back of his head. Grabbing a fistful of hair, I forced his lips back onto my own .

**Emmett's POV**

I scoffed in resentment as my eyes ran over the orange colored monstrosities. I looked up "Vampire Jokes." Do I look like a pumpkin to you? This website was going to be a waste of my time.

I scrolled down anyway.

After rolling my eyes multiple time, I finally found one that made me grin immensely.

"Hey, Rose?"

My blond haired beauty came to a graceful stop by the doorway. "Emmett why are you in Carlisle's office?"

"That's not important right now. I wanted to tell you a joke. Ready?"

She rolled her eyes.

"How does a girl vampire flirt?"

Rosalie glared at me.

"Rose," I sighed, "You're suppose to say, 'I don't know Emmett, how does a girl vampire flirt?'."

Her expression remained hard and stubborn so I cut to the punch line. "She _bats _her eyes," I grinned. "Get it?"

She stared at me.

"Because humans think we turn into bats! Get it, Rose? Bats! Eyes! Flirting!" I began to laugh but the laughter quickly subsided as I took in Rose's expression. "Rose?"

Before I knew what was happening, Rosalie was pulling up her selves and barreling towards me.

"ROSE?!"

"Oh, I'm going to bat something, Emmett. And it sure as hell won't be my eyes."

"Rose! No!"

* * *

**A/N: **Haha, okay, so that was to just blow off some steam. I've been drowning in writers block and am attempting to resurface!

By the way, I really did look up the riddles, but I typed, "Vampire love jokes," into the search engine to find the kissing and the flirting ones.

I swear I was going to say something else, but I'm actually sneaking onto my laptop right now. Long story.

Reviews would be amazing though! (: Thanks!


End file.
